5 Myths About Being a Work-Outside-The-Home Mom
I wanted to be a stay at home mom ever since I can remember. Even when I was younger than 10 I remember working in the church nursery, always wanting to be around babies, always chasing the toddlers, and going home to cook and clean because I loved it. I dreamed of being a domestic goddess…like Betty Crocker or Carol Brady (let’s not forget that Carol had a housekeeper, though. I digress). I wanted to have lots of babies (13 to be exact) and cook food from scratch for them, look at the world through their eyes, have story time with them, and be their everything.
and then…I had to get a job, which quickly became a more-than-full-time career.
Like many families in our stage of life at the time, we had a very hard time making ends meet. So much played into the decision for me to work, but in the end, it was because I HAD to. I’d had random jobs here and there; I tried retail for one day, but I fainted on the job and was so embarrassed that I couldn’t go back. But one day I landed a job working for a national nonprofit organization.
I ended up working my way up to Executive Director for my small little region of Texas, making a decent salary that allowed us to pay the bills, build a new house and live a comfortable lifestyle. It was a very cool achievement for me, a girl with not much more than a high school diploma and a burning desire to make brownies and sing songs to babies all day every day; but it wasn’t easy, and my husband will be the first to tell you that I climbed the ladder of success kicking and screaming, feeling guilt-ridden all the way up.
All I wanted was to be home with my kids. All I wanted was to be that picture perfect mom who was always there for her family, every minute of the day. I felt if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be the kind of mom they needed.
I even heard a mentor in my life once say, ‘I wouldn’t have the close relationship with my kids that I have today if I would have worked outside the home.’ I was crushed. In one sentence, they proved that all my fears were true. I wasn’t going to be the kind of mom I always dreamed or the kind of mom I thought my kids needed – so I thought – just because I had to contribute to the household income. I felt hopeless.
But, 14 years, two jobs, 3 promotions, and my own business later, I’m here to tell you that my kids are okay, they have a loving and present mom, we have a close relationship…and I still work.
Being a mom is the biggest job a woman could have. It’s rewarding, exhausting, exhilirating, and intimidating all at once (at least for me). Throw a full time ‘outside the home’ job on top of that, and it seems like the mom guilt builds up, and everything is compounded by the fact that we’re stretched, pushed pulled in so many directions…and we’re tired. We don’t believe we’re enough. Worry about whether our kids are getting “enough” creeps in.
I’ve felt all of these things. And I want to bust a few myths about what it means to be a “Work Outside the Home Mom.”
5 MYTHS ABOUT BEING A WORK-OUTSIDE-THE-HOME MOM
WORKING MOMS CAN’T BE AS CLOSE TO THEIR KIDS
This one got me so hard, for such a long time. I believed for so long that unless I was home with them every moment of every day that I couldn’t have a close relationship with them. But they always knew who their mom was when I showed up at day care to pick them up, they came to me with their hurts and needs, and they never turned down an opportunity to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.
These days, as teenagers, they talk to me about what’s going on in their life, which teachers they don’t like, and the YouTubers they’re into. I don’t say that to honk my own horn, but to tell you that it’s possible to be in tune with your kids and still work.
WORKING MOMS ARE SELFISH FOR HAVING A CAREER
Being a mom is one of the most important things you’ll ever do. You’re raising people who can change the world…but YOU can also change the world, and guess what? You’re only raising kids for like, 25% of your life. What happens before or after that? It’s FOR SURE okay to have purpose, k?
THE KIDS WILL FEEL ISOLATED
When we first moved to Colorado from Texas, I had the opportunity to stay at home and have all of my homemaker, dreams come true. I felt I was more present and more in tune with their needs. I posted more cute videos of them on Facebook, and I always had Pinterest-worthy afternoon snacks ready for them when they got home from school (and I gained 15 pounds in the process). Then we realized how much it would cost to live in Colorado long term and discussed the need for me to go back to work to help us buy a house here. When I asked my kids what they thought of me going back to work full time their response was: “You mean, you haven’t been going to work every day?”
You can be totally present and in tune with your kids, no matter what your schedule looks like.
THE KIDS WON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO BE ‘AWAY’
Honestly, my kids never understood me better than when I included them in 
what was happening at work. One time I was late picking Abby up from after school care and I rushed in and told her, ‘I’m so sorry, I had someone quit and I had to finish a project by myself..’ her response was, ‘Oh! For that event coming up! Yes, let’s get back to the office so we can finish!’ I found that when I included my kids in what I was doing and trying to accomplish, they were much more understanding of when I had a late night, and often even offered to help.
what was happening at work. One time I was late picking Abby up from after school care and I rushed in and told her, ‘I’m so sorry, I had someone quit and I had to finish a project by myself..’ her response was, ‘Oh! For that event coming up! Yes, let’s get back to the office so we can finish!’ I found that when I included my kids in what I was doing and trying to accomplish, they were much more understanding of when I had a late night, and often even offered to help.
I’m proud that my daughter sees me working toward goals and putting in a hard day’s work. I’m proud to share my vision for my team and my role with my kids. They get to see me building something bigger than myself, which will hopefully teach them to do the same when they have the opportunity.
WORKING MOMS HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER
I feel like people look at working moms as the ones who have “it all,” maybe because they get to have adult conversations or get dressed up or wear lipstick on a regular basis. I’ve heard things like, ‘I don’t know how she does it,’ and I think because of that image, people think they have all the answers and need no one. People may think that moms with careers outside the home don’t need to be reassured that they’re doing okay, and they don’t have insecurities as women, or even that they’re cold or stand-offish because they don’t go out as much, or keep weekends sacred.
IT’S QUITE THE OPPOSITE. Working moms are in a constant tug of war of being pulled in one direction or another: sometimes thinking of work when they’re playing on the floor with their kids at home, and trying to remember doctors appointments and school projects while they’re in a board meeting. It’s hard to be a work outside the home mom, and they need all the community they can get. They’re full of self judgment and guilt-ridden ‘what-if’s.’ What if my baby doesn’t recognize me when I pick her up from day care today? What if I miss signs that my son has special needs? What if I’m not “there” enough for them? What if I can’t be a good mom? What if …..
Working moms are always trying their best to be the best mom they can be, and they’re probably always in need of a good nap.
There will be times when you feel like the only mom around who works outside the home. There will be times when your heart aches to hold your kids, spend time with them at 2:00 in the afternoon, or even have a semi-clean house without a mountain pile of laundry sitting, ready for you on the weekend (that’s what personal days are FOR, girlfriend). The grass will look greener on the other side, most days.
The most important things to remember are this: Working outside of your home does not make you less of a mom. You were made for your kids, and they were made for you. Whether you work part time, full time, for a short season, or a full blown career, you have exactly what they need in a mom, right there within you.
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