Y’all, meet my friend, Jennifer Wagner. I “met” Jennifer about 18 months ago, on Instagram (because, I just loooove Instagram!) and she has been inspiring me ever since. We connected over our love for encouraging women (and each other), and a passion to instill positive body image into our culture and ourselves.

Jennifer’s story is incredible.  When she lost over 160 pounds – yes you read that right: ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY pounds, she realized that it wasn’t enough to just look good on the outside, and ever since then she has been encouraging others through her story, her marriage and her family, that we need to love ourselves within, before we can truly love ourselves on the outside. 

Jennifer has been such an encouragement to me in so many ways, AND she is a stay-at-home-mom, the hardest job in the world, in my opinion.  So, I thought I would bring in one of the experts to talk about the surprises and myths that come with the “SAHM” life.

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A pretty vivid picture decorated my mind as I sat in my office working 50 hours a week while my toddler attended preschool. One day when we could finally afford to make the switch, I’d come off my job and spend my days with my sweet little punkin. Mornings would then become slow, and would be filled with warm coffee, elaborate breakfasts as a family and cozy snuggles on the couch. Hours would be spent playing on the floor with princess figurines, and the house would stay clean since I’d have so much extra time on my hands. The aroma of freshly mopped floors and lavender-bathed baby circulated the imaginary canvas of nonstop creativity in my mind.

 

Then, I became a Stay-At-Home-Mom.

 

And yes. There’s an acronym for that: SAHM. Because imagine typing that out, every time someone asks you what you do.

 

Here I sit, watching my daughter flutter around the gymnastics class that offers me a one-hour escape once-a-week. I’m pondering the days of what I used to think my reality would be when I didn’t have to rush off to the office every day.

 

Let me tell you friend, it’s nothing like what I thought. Within days of switching into my new role of full-time-mommy, I realized that there would be quite a lot for me to adjust to. Little did I know it’d take a couple of years to get to the point of feeling adequate, and even enjoying this new life I had hoped for for so long.

 

Several myths come to mind as I think back on what I imagined this life would be. Today I’m listing them out, one-by-one, and dispelling them once and for all.

 

Without further ado, 8 MYTHS  ABOUT THE SAHM LIFE: DISPELLED

You’ll Have More Time

False. You’ll have the exact same amount of time you had before. Twenty-four hours, every single day. Only, the hours will be a little different, in that they won’t be chopped up by meetings, co-workers, and major deadlines. You’ll be in mommy-mode nearly all the time. No escaping, except for the occasional two-minute hideout in the closet when you just. need. quiet. No turning the switch off, even during nap times when you’ll feel the need to clean the house or catch up on texts you feel guilty for not getting to throughout the day.

The House Will Stay Clean

When I first came into the SAHM world, my house was picture-perfect. I cleaned all the time. But it didn’t take long to realize that I was spending more of my time trying to clean than I was actually being present with my daughter (who, by the way, had a constant stream of “come play with me, mommy” flowing from her lips).  I’d expect her to just play on her own and entertain herself so that I could clean the house. Then I’d look across the room and realize how much time I had just spent doing mindless cleaning while she played quietly with her princess figurines wishing for a play buddy. Finally I had to learn to embrace the mess, clean in bursts, and remind myself that one day my house will stay perfectly clean. Maybe I couldn’t spend my whole day playing, but I learned to be intentional about spending time connecting with her throughout the day.

Mornings Will Be Easy

Mornings are my favorite. From the instant I gain consciousness, my nostrils are begging for the scent of coffee. But slow, easy mornings were not a thing in our household. Instead, our toddler woke up in full-force, ready-to-slay-the-day mode from the minute her eyelids popped open. She didn’t just want to crawl into my arms and lay there planning what our day would be like – no way! She wanted me up and at ‘em, and she wasn’t backing down on that one no matter how hard I tried to get her to! So, mornings were early, and filled with conversation and endless questions, whether my coffee had made its way into my veins or not.

You’ll Play With Your Kids For Hours Every Day

When I worked full-time, I spent all day long missing my girl! I just wanted to be with her. Every night when we got home from the day’s work, I easily mustered up the energy to get on the floor and play with her no matter how tired I was, because I had spent all day waiting until we were all home once more, and could spend time together. I couldn’t wait to spend time playing baby dolls and having conversations with her. But just because you become a SAHM, life and responsibilities don’t stop. So while I thought I’d have all the time in the world to just play, all the day’s tasks began piling on top of each other and I soon felt like I was sinking. Eventually I had to learn balance. I had to learn the value of her playing on her own in small spurts and the value of us playing together. Once I did that, our days became more fulfilling and less stressful.

You’ll Be Less Tired

Working full-time was exhausting. Like, multiple cups of coffee per day. (I know, I mention coffee a lot. That’s #momlife no matter what kind of mama you are). I distinctly remember trying to keep my sand-paper eyes open as I gazed at my computer screen all day. Naturally, I thought that if I didn’t have to get up and go to work every day, I’d be less tired. But motherhood in any form has taught me the reality of exhaustion. And no mommy is exempt from it. Whether you’re sitting in meeting after meeting in a conference room, or you’re washing multiple sinks of dishes in the comfort of your own home, it’s tiring. Like REALLY tiring. Throw a second child into the picture and we’re talking hazy, half-conscious, barely-functional tired. Maybe it’s a different kind if tired, but I’m 3.5 years into being a Stay-At-Home-Mom and… I’m tired!

You’ll Have Lots of Time To Work From Home

I was a little naïve about this one. I just figured that since I’d have all this extra time (hah!) I’d have plenty of time to work a side hustle. I tried a couple of things. And it’s doable! Actually lots of mamas do it! But here’s the deal. The mamas who are working a job from home, on top of being a SAHM, are basically working two jobs. Just because they have a side hustle or a full-time job other than mommy’ing, doesn’t mean that the mommy’ing goes out the window. They still have to find time to actually be present, raise their children, keep their kids alive, and keep up with the day. Every day. It’s a real superpower. Eventually you find your stride, but it definitely takes some routine and intentionality!

People Will Admire Your Choice To Stay Home

When my first-born was a newborn, it seemed like everyone was constantly asking me that nagging, “so what do you do?” question. I’d answer by telling them my job outside the home, and they’d tilt their heads and say “awwww… You don’t get to stay home with your baby?” It made that inner struggle of not being able to stay home with her even harder! I figured that once I switched into being a SAHM the world would clap their hands at my accomplishment and all would be well. But I quickly found that the “wait, so you don’t have a job?”or “well what do you plan to do when they go to school?” questions took their place instead. That’s when I had to decide to be confident in my decision no matter who approved or didn’t approve. Because by that time I learned that basically, you’re darned if you do and you’re darned if you don’t. No matter which way you choose, someone is not going to approve. So I stopped feeling the need to validate my decision among others. And when I did that, I truly discovered a confidence in my choice as a mommy.

Every Day Will Feel Fulfilling

It just won’t. Not every day. Especially the early days, when your clothes are soaked in baby spit-up, and your coffee is cold, and you’re so tired you can’t see straight, and you haven’t showered in days, and your kiddo wants your undivided attention, and you haven’t worn make-up and normal clothes in forever, and the laundry is piling up, and your days are running together…

Some days you’ll wonder if you should go back to work. Some days you’ll wonder if you’re making a difference in the world. Some days you’ll cry. Some days you’ll feel inadequate. Some days you’ll feel lonely. Some days you’ll wonder how you’ll even make it through the day.

Every day is work. You’re accomplishing so many incredible tasks, EVERY SINGLE DAY! You may not get applause, or promotions, or medals, or honors, or bonuses. But you’re showing up. Every day. And what you’re doing matters, a lot. You’re going to have good days, bad days, mediocre days, sad days, joyful days, rollercoaster days, and of course, never-ending-tantrum days! But you, my dear, have been graced to do what you’re doing. No one can do it quite like you do. Your kids might not have the vocabulary to tell you now, but one day, they will. And all the seeds you have sown into loving and raising your children will raise a gorgeous garden of benefits. Then, my friend, you will find fulfillment like you’ve never known before, and every ounce of effort you made will be absolutely worth it.

As the days, weeks, months, and years go by, you’ll learn to embrace the season of life you’re in because you’ll realize, it’s just that! A season. You’ll be reminded a thousand times to cherish the moments, and you’ll do your best to do so. And as time goes on, fulfillment will peek its face through the clouds, and you’ll cry happy tears that you hung in there and gave mommy’ing everything you had.

You can find more from Jennifer, including one of my favorites: 10 positive body image statements, on her website at www.jenniferwagner.co.