It’s here: family photo day. You’ve chosen the outfits, you’ve hired the photographer. Everyone isn’t too “matchy matchy,” and you’ve picked the perfect location. After rescheduling because of rain (or snow!), you’ve selected the (almost) perfect day. You start the getting ready process first thing in the morning, by laying out everyone’s perfectly complemented clothes, ironing your husband’s shirt, and making sure your Spanx are clean (come on, let’s get real!).

You bathe the kids. You bathe your husband. You take an extra 20 minutes to do your makeup. Your son comes in complaining about how uncomfortable his sweater vest is. Your daughter refuses to let you curl her hair. Everyone piles into the car as you make passive-aggressive comments about how much you do around here and that you just want a family photo, and it goes something like, “EVERYONE JUST BE HAPPY IN THIS PHOTO OR ELSE!”

Finally, you get to the rendezvous point with the photographer, sweaty and stressed (you, not the photographer).

Sometimes I sit and wonder, ‘Is it really worth the stress I put myself and everyone through to get that ‘perfect’ family photo?’ The jury is still out on that, but in the meantime this is what I’ve learned about making those family photo sessions a little more effective:

HIRE A PHOTOGRAPHER

This year I thought it would be a good idea to have a low-key, no fuss family photo “session” for our Christmas card photo. I know, I know…Christmas cards are a huge hassle and a dying art. But let me tell you – it’s one of my favorite Christmas traditions! I literally sing that line from “White Christmas” when it says, “with every Christmas card I write…” I absolutely LOVE getting those cards in the mail from family, friends and former coworkers to see what they’re up to, how much their kids have grown. Plus, who doesn’t love getting mail that isn’t junk?! Christmas card season is just my FAVORITE.

 

Anyway, photos. This year I didn’t hire a photographer and instead I thought that using my camera with a tripod and a timer would be a good idea, and it was…in theory. It turns out that it takes a really long time to set up the shot, and I took about 2,000 extra steps back and forth to check the shots, shoot it again, all while everyone (including me) got impatient and we lost the best light. I saved a little money, but in the end I think I would have been better off to barter or hire a friend who dabbles with photography as a hobby, even.

MAKE IT LOW KEY

When it comes to being a panicked, hot mess on picture day, you can certainly count on me (see above about muttering those comments to my family…yeah, that was about me!) There’s probably not a way to completely eliminate the stress of getting everyone ready and out the door looking photo-ready, at least not on time anyway, but try to be as relaxed as possible. No family looks good when mama is all stressed out about how well the outfits match or if that cowlick will stay down on little man’s hair (and I’m not just talking about my husband).

INVOLVE EVERYONE IN THE PROCESS

Here’s a secret I’ve heard from photographers: Let your family be who they are. Let everyone have input on how the shoot should go. Take photos where they’re comfortable: close to school, church, their favorite park, even in your backyard. Let each member of the family choose their favorite spot and pose (“silly” photos go over really well with kids of any age!) You might even consider letting everyone choose their own outfit. What better way to capture your family’s true character than with a photo that reflects who you really are: Pokemon shirt, “Frozen” dress, football jersey and all? You’re much more likely to get a good photo if everyone feels comfortable and knows what to expect.  We’re not above bribing our kids, either.  Ice cream, milkshakes, cold hard cash, whatever it takes to get that photo.  Just bein’ honest…

GIVE THE PHOTOGRAPHER COMPLETE CONTROL

It’s time for me to get real again. I’m a control freak. I need to have everything my way almost all of the time, and if things don’t go the way I plan, I kind of have a little hissy. So when I need something like a photo session to go well, I sort of have this magazine-image in my head and I think that all of our photos need to look exactly like the ones I see on Pinterest. Errrrrr. Wrong. The posed photos we’ve done have been absolutely awful. No one quite knows what’s going on, I’m talking between clenched teeth (it’s supposed to be a smile), telling everyone to look like the people that come with the photo frame. That’s just not who my family is! That’s not really who anyone is! Here’s a secret: those people that come with the frame? They’re MODELS. They’re fake. We’re not models. We’re real.

It’s okay to have that posed shot, but some of the best photos we’ve taken have been candid moments the photographer captured. Have a meeting or exchange emails with your photographer about what your expectations are, the exact shots you want to get, and let him or her do the rest! A good photographer will ask the right questions ahead of time so that photo-day will be seamless for you (because REMEMBER HOW STRESSFUL THE REST OF THE DAY IS?! IRONED SHIRTS, PEOPLE).

RELAX. RELAX, RELAX, RELAX.

Seriously. It’s just a photo. Is a complementing color scheme for everyone’s clothes nice? Yes. Is it necessary? Absolutely not. Would it be nice if your daughter’s hair had a bow in it? Yup. Will you look back in 10 years and remember how cute she was when she was that age, or will you remember if she had a bow with curled hair?

Act like yourselves, as chaotic as that might sound, especially with little ones. Maybe even tell the kids that you’re going out for family fun at the park and you’ve invited a friend (the photographer) along. Live life as you normally would and you’re more likely to get that ‘money’ shot that you (okay, I) so desperately try to force.

They key is that photos are just one second of memories. Creating moments that make those photos come to life is what matters!

…and for the record, my Spanx were totally clean in all these photos.