Somewhere, somehow, we decided that there should be just one standard for the way things are.

Society tries to tell us that a size 2 gal with no pores is the way to look, and Paula Dean-Martha Stewart-Pioneer Woman is the way to cook. We picked up stuff along the way: the way our mothers raised us, what we saw on TV, books we’ve read, what we see on Pinterest, and we’ve formed this idea of the way we think things are “supposed” to be.

I love Paula, Martha and Ree as much as the next suburban wife, but let’s be real: if this is the way our minds are working every day, the expectations we put on ourselves are WAY TOO HIGH.

If I tried to put all of my “domestic” Pinterest pins together and practiced them all in real life, I would have a solid 6-pack, a butt of steel, a house covered in shiplap and handmade items, my marriage would be totally romantic every single day of the year (365 DATE IDEAS, HELLO), and I would be able to “navigate through the teenage years” while I read my kids a Scripture every day and asked them all the questions to guide them through adolescence, body safety, bullying and being best friends with their parents.  I would also be WASTED all the time if I tried every cocktail recipe I pinned.  Just sayin.’

While it’s nice to have “guides” for life, parenting, and how to clean the lime buildup from your shower head, I have a hunch that we believe that we need to do all of this at once in order to be a thriving mother, woman, HUMAN.

Parenthood, womanhood, PERSONhood, just doesn’t have to look like a clean house, perfect body, or creative activities with our kids every day.  It doesn’t even have to look like a SHOWER every day, can I get a solid AMEN?

Here are 4 Expectations to CROSS OFF OF YOUR LIST that might help to keep that “Mom Guilt” from piling higher than the Empire State Building:

Does this require much explanation? Let’s just get all of this out in the open. We ALL have a basket of mismatched socks in our laundry room (or in our kitchen), we ALL have a junk drawer with spare batteries, coupons we’ll never use, and Ritz cracker crumbs, and we’ve all walked into our house after a long day and wondered what “that smell” is. Even Monica Gellar, the cleanest neat freak around, has a secret clutter closet.

Listen, I had a half-eaten lollipop stuck to my dresser for over a year.  It’s okay if you don’t clean behind your fridge every month…or every year.

I know Grandma made 5 courses for dinner every night except Saturday, but Grandma didn’t have the pressures of today. I believe that’s why they invented Hamburger Helper in 1971. They say it’s because there was a meat shortage, but I think Grandma just lost her “stuff” one day and demanded an easier way to keep up with the rising demand of kids, their respective sports, and the invention of computers and disco.

My point is, stop beating yourself up for making macaroni and cheese or PB&J more than one night a week. I’ve had nights where I threw two Cheetos and five pizza rolls on a cookie sheet (not even a plate) and called it a night…and my kids are still alive and well nourished.

This is a tough one. The Mom Guilt gets REAL here, doesn’t it?

I’m not talking about recitals, concerts, competitions, or games.  I’m talking about things like the Patriotic sing-a-long at the elementary school, or Earth Day at the day care.  Like, I get it if these days are super important to your family, but unless you’re a descendent of George Washington or your auntie is Mother Nature, your kids’ world will keep spinning if you miss a sing-a-long or a practice here and there.

Kids need something of their own.  Even when they’re young, I believe they need activities that are independent of you and your approval; in small things, like trying donut holes or deciding their taste in music. I’m not a parenting expert, but I think it’s okay if you’re not part of every small moment.

I know this sounds like an expectation we put on our KIDS (and it sometimes is), and I know you’re gonna say that what our kids do is a reflection of US (and you’re right), but I think the sooner we can let go of the EXPECTATION that our kids are just going to go through life flawlessly, looking like something out of a 1960s sitcom, with no holes in their jeans or their character, the smoother our parenting life will be.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mom so far, it’s that my kids were born with strengths, dreams, and flaws already inside of them.  These things have nothing to do with me or the way I choose to raise them. I just get to nurture these actual humans, leading and guiding them into people who will hopefully contribute to society and call their mother on the weekends.

As an over-achiever I’m all about goals, and I love the idea of a picture-perfect house, family, body, and a home-cooked meal.  But the pressure I can put on myself to achieve all of these things has, more often than not, lead to overwhelm, negative energy in my home, and if I’m being brutally honest, all-out meltdowns in my kitchen while my husband and kids watch.  All of these expectations at once just don’t help me to be the wife, mother and friend that I could be if I just took a few of these expectations off of myself and tucked them away for another season in my life.

What is ONE expectation you can take off of yourself that might give you more space to be who you need to be in this stage of your life?