The Last Time I Ugly Cried
I generally don’t cry in front of people. I consider myself to be a fairly emotional person (estrogen is usually to blame), but when it comes to negative emotions like anger and anxiety, or awkward expressions of emotions like well, crying, I try to keep those things to myself until I can manage those emotions in a healthy way; preferably alone, in a quiet place, where no one can feel the wrath of my angry tears or hear the hiccups of my upset sobs…and when I say “no one,” I really mean, “no one except my poor, poor husband,” who gets ALLLL the emotional swings throughout any given day spent with me, and who’s permanently buckled into this emotional roller coaster of mine.
I can count on one hand the number of people I have voluntarily “ugly cried” in front of. You know what I mean: the kind of cry that works its way up and leaves you a snotty, tear-streaked, hiccuping mess who just needs a glass of water and a solid nap.
But when my daughter broke her hand and had to have surgery, I was overwhelmed.
Abby is a serious cheerleader. Cheerleading is almost her entire life. She and her team spend anywhere from 7-15 hours in the gym and in competition together on any given week. It’s hard to explain, but it looks something like this. This team spends so much time together, building trust and getting stronger together.
So, learning that she had to have surgery felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. This injury will not set her back long term, but it definitely meant that this was the end of her season.
You might think I would have already been “ugly crying” at this point. Not yet. I’m very good in crisis situations.
Enter the cheer parents.
The thing about any competitive sport is that you literally have this punchbowl of people: People with different backgrounds, world-views, religious ideas, wildly different political views, and of course, varying opinions and methods of raising children. All of these people generally only have one thing in common: their kids love competing in this sport. So, we’re all just trying to support our kids and navigate through this group of people that we know next to nothing about, other than they likely spend most of their disposable income on this passion their kid has.
I’ve really only thought of cheer as a business transaction as far as I was concerned. I make sure the tuition gets paid and my daughter gets to do what she loves. I support her, encourage her, make sure she gets to practice, and the results are pretty straightforward. I was there for my daughter. Never mind that I’m a TOTAL introvert who takes a little while to warm up to.
But when this injury happened to Abby, these families SHOWED UP for us.
Day after day they were checking on us, asking for updates, they even took up a collection for a huge bouquet of flowers for Abby when she got out of surgery. They not only showed up for her, but some were sending me wine and texting me to check in on how I was doing, making sure I was getting enough rest, and I wasn’t even the injured one!
When the head coach called me for an update, she was genuinely upset for Abby and gave me all kinds of support and encouragement. As we wrapped up the quick phone conversation I had an afterthought and told her, “You should know…..<cue the ugly crying>…that these families…<crying gasp> have been so supportive…”
I somehow made it off the phone without snorting but believe me when I say that the floodgates opened and I sat in my car in the garage, UG-LY crying for about 10 minutes. I had to change my mascara AND my shirt.
I’m sure my avalanche of emotion came from a build up of several days’ worth of tension and feeling overwhelmed by all the information, but in that moment I realized that I had friendship and REAL COMMUNITY in a place that I hadn’t even thought to look. I had been so guarded and blinded by my “business transaction” and thinking that I had “enough friends” that I almost missed out on a whole bunch of beautiful, generous people.
Real community shows up. They show up when you’re hurting and not just when life looks clean and shiny. Real community cares and asks questions and follows up.
If you’re feeling lonely, isolated and like there isn’t a friend out there in the world that will understand or support you, you might just find community in the most unlikely places.
I knew that this injury of Abby’s had a lesson in it. I just had no idea that it was for ME.
i am from England. you was crying for your daughter .who had hurt herself.it helps me a great deal too have a good cry
and a really snotty nose.i feel so much better .AFTER being overwelmed .it is a way of coping .having a good cry.very
very well done for talking about it ,mark
Thank you so much, Mark! It really does help to have a good cry. It’s cleansing for the soul!